Cancer...I'm The Lucky One
Is it odd to think you are the lucky one to be fighting Stage 4 cancer? Most days this is how I feel. You see... If I'm the one fighting, I don't have to watch you go through it! I've watched too many times the ones I love in this fight and it's painful! I feel lucky to not have to watch it this time! I am a huge empath, when GOD was building me he provided me a heart two sizes too big (I literally don't know how it fits in my body). As the years pass my heart grows bigger and so does my worry.
Growing up my mom told everyone she saw that she loved them. I would roll my eyes and ask her why she does that!? I would say, "You can't possibly love everyone!" She would always disagree and respond with, "I have a big heart, enough to love everybody." I didn't understand it until now...
I love a lot of people. I am an observer, and a listener. I read peoples eyes, I hear their voice, and I feel their heart.
I spend my day surrounded by hundreds of people. Then I communicate with many more through my social media channels. My goal in life is to have no one feel alone...ever! I enjoy getting to know people on a much more personal level than just a "hi" in the hallway. I love to listen to the young dad as his heart beams talking about his children playing music with him. The mom who's teenager is giving her heartaches. The quiet Guy vent who has lived through a world of turmoil. The young woman studying for her citizenship. I love observing the dad's doing everything they can to bring up their daughter's Girl Scout cookie sales. The pride of the young man learning to drive a manual transmission. I listen of love stories, and broken hearts. First dates, and long marriages. Folks studying to be nurses, and real estate agents. New homes, home improvements, and new babies. Divorces, deaths, and diagnosis. I listen, I feel, I worry, and I love.
I want my friends, my family, and my acquaintances to know, they are not alone. When they are going through something I am there with them. When they have a new diagnosis, I look it up so I know better what they are going through. When they are sick, I want to make them better. When their heart is broken I want to mend it. When their daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies, I want to buy some. When their family goes on an amazing adventure, I want to see the pictures. I want them to know, I'm interested. I want them to know, they have a listening ear in me. I want them to know I've always got a hug ready at any moment. I want them to know I'm in their corner!
Life is a silly, hard, beautiful, painful, funny thing! I am so happy for the paths I've crossed! I have a big ol' heart, enough to love everybody. With love comes worry! I don't like to worry and I don't like to see the ones I love in pain. If I could choose you or I to be diagnosed with Cancer, it would be me every time! I would rather be the one to carry it than watch any of you have to.
I LOVE YOU!!!