Cancer...I'm The Lucky One!
Is it odd to think you are the lucky one to be fighting Stage 4 cancer? Most days this is how I feel. You see... If I'm the one fighting, I don't have to watch you go through it! I've watched from the sidelines, too many of my loved ones in this fight and it's painful! I feel lucky to not have to watch it this time! I am a huge empath, when GOD was building me he provided me a heart two sizes too big (I literally don't know how it fits in my body). As the years pass my heart grows bigger and so does my worry.
Growing up my mom told everyone she saw that she loved them. I would roll my eyes and ask her why she does that!? I would say, "You can't possibly love everyone!" She would always disagree and respond with, "I have a big heart, enough to love everybody." I didn't understand it until now.
I love a lot of people. I am an observer, and a listener. I read peoples eyes, I hear their voice, and I feel their heart.
I spend my day surrounded by hundreds of people. My goal in life is to have no one feel alone...ever! I enjoy getting to know people on a much more personal level than just a "hi" in the hallway. I love to listen to the young dad as his heart beams talking about his children playing music with him. The mom who's teenager is giving her heartaches. The quiet Guy who has lived through a world of turmoil. The young woman studying for her citizenship. The dad's doing everything they can to bring up their daughter's Girl Scout cookie sales. I listen of love stories, and broken hearts. First dates, and long marriages. The young man learning to drive a manual transmission. Folks studying to be nurses, and real estate agents. New homes, home improvements, and new babies. Divorces, deaths, and diagnosis. I listen, I feel, I worry, and I love.
I want my friends, my family, and my acquaintances to know, they are not alone. When they are going through something I am there with them. When they have a new diagnosis, I look it up so I know better what they are going through. When they are sick, I want to make them better. When their heart is broken I want to mend it. When their daughter is selling Girl Scout cookies, I want to buy some. When their family goes on an amazing adventure, I want to see the pictures! I want them to know when they tell me something personal, I keep it tucked away in my heart and although I may not have an answer, I will be here to help them carry it.
Life is a silly, hard, beautiful, painful, funny thing! I am so happy for the paths I've crossed! I have a big ol' heart, enough to love everybody! With love comes worry! So If I could choose you or I to be diagnosed with Cancer, it would be me every time! I would rather be the one to carry it than watch any of you have to.
I LOVE YOU!!!