Just a Moment In Time
I lie in bed, in the arms of my best friend and partner for 27 years. It's been such a routine thing for so long we often don't even acknowledge the moment. It's just another moment in time. I have found when we are threatened with a terminal illness these little moments become everything! As I lay there embraced in his arms, my husband drifting off to sleep I listen to his breathing, I feel his heart beat and I can't help to wonder how many of these moments I have left and how many moments like this I have taken for granted over the years. I take a deep breath, I feel my heart swelling, and the lump in my throat growing almost unable to breathe. How can I leave this so soon? I must continue to fight, because it's not fair to leave him with empty sheets.
I took my kids on a back to school shopping trip to Target today. We walked around for at least an hour just browsing the aisles. We were touching things, trying things on, dreaming of things we want but don't need and making jokes with one another. It was a good trip, we all needed it...just to get out of the house together, and Target is their favorite! It was all just another routine thing, but I found myself as we were waiting for our Pretzels (we get one every time we visit Target...it's our thing) at the Deli stepping outside my physical body and observing the moment. I looked over each one of my children as they huddled close to me like a mother duck and her ducklings. I Love them so much! They've gotten tall. Their faces are maturing. They look happy. I don't ever want to make them sad. I look around at my surroundings, what a crazy time we live in. Everyone had on a mask, the young twenty somethings who feel too cool for masks are bending the rules a little bit. There are barricades and caution tape blocking off the eating area, it's dark in there and a little spooky looking. There is plexi glass barriers at all the registers. As I was in the moment recognizing with the greatest detail my surroundings an elderly couple walks by and I grow a little envious of their age. Who's to decide who gets to grow old and who is denied this privilege? I notice a toddler throwing a fit over a candy bar at the registers. My mind flashes back to when my own kids were that age and how I miss it and how I've "missed" it. I've come to realize how much of my life I have missed, simply by just living. Just being there in body but not in mind. When we are not burdened by a timeline, we just live. We wake up every morning, we drink our coffee, we go to a job, we come home, we eat dinner, we go to sleep, and we do it all over again the next day. We are living and breathing, but until we make a conscious decision to step back and really involve our whole minds into appreciating every moment we have here, we are not fully living. Sadly once we realize this it's already too late.
We've all heard the term, "stop and smell the roses". After given a news of a shortened timeline the meaning of this term becomes so profound! It's a lesson I've learned way too late in my life. I write this post today as a friendly reminder to please stop and smell the roses, in full body and mind. Learn to Live in the moment...stop, breathe, observe, and feel. Life is precious and unfortunately way too short. Don't wait until it's too late to appreciate the small things, because one day you will learn all those "small" things are quite extraordinary. LIVE don't just breathe. Don't have your life be just a moment in time, but a memory in time.
Much Love, Sincerely Ronda