Sometimes I wonder how I've made it this far. I had lived some reckless years as a teen, now looking back I am happy I survived them! I did these reckless things because I wasn't scared... to die that is. Today I am scared of everything! I am scared of heights, flying, riding in automobiles, storms, you name it I'm scared of it! Why? Because I'm afraid to die!
Now when I say, "I'm afraid to die", It has nothing to do with my religion. I'm not afraid to die because I don't know Jesus, or I don't think I'm going to Heaven. I'm not afraid it is going to hurt, I'm not afraid of being stuck in a coffin or cremated in a fire. I'm just simply afraid to be gone!
As a young teen I lost someone very close to me. He was my cousin, my best friend, and my confidant. I lost him too soon! I grieved and I mourned for years, and wasn't sure I would ever get over it. Sure, life kept on moving without him in it and over 20 years later it still moves but I miss him. I never knew I could ever be that sad again until I lost my Dad six years later. Losing friends and family is hard, losing your parents is the WORST! After Dad I lost my mom, not having anywhere to call home is lonely. You call your parents to share life's joy, life's pain, and life's milestones. Having no parents to call is pure torture!
I have a family of my own now. My latest son has joined my parents in Heaven. He is in good hands there. I have three beautiful kids here on earth and a wonderful marriage that needs me! So next time you see me afraid on the airplane, or driving in the car, not wanting to get too close to the edge at the Grand Canyon, it's because I'm afraid...I'm afraid to die. I'm afraid to leave my kids without their mom. I'm afraid to leave my husband without his wife. I am afraid to leave my brothers without their sister. I'm afraid to leave my friends without my friendship. I'm afraid to have them feel the pain in their hearts that I have had to endure. I'm afraid to make my loved ones sad because of me.
Here on earth, Dying is not about you! You will be gone! Dying is however about those you leave behind, who have to pick up the broken pieces and try and move on. The family and friends who have to mourn their loss, this is what dying is, and I'm afraid of it!